Vienna Chapter 2

Machines of Loving Grace, and the Italans
I was at a Peter Murphy concert in Phoenix Arizona on July 4th 1992, the opening act was Tucson Arizona's very own Machines of loving Grace. While Trent Reznor was pushing his Nine inch Nails whiny copycat re-branded trash off as industrial music, Machines of loving Grace were cutting out their little piece of the world with some seriously cool Industrial metal. I got hooked on them pretty quickly, and especially their song that was nice, mellow, acoustic with French horns. IT was called Cicciolina, which in Italian means, “Cuddly person” I recently learned. I went from 1992 till 2011 thinking what a great song, quoting philosophy etc in the song. Then I thought, the name must be of some Italian philosopher, Medici era or something. Then thinking more, I realized, no woman could have gotten away with it in that time, being a philosopher. So I went to Wikipedia with the name Cicciolina. Her name is Iona Staller, she is a modern day Italian philosopher, novelist, model, politician, and Pornstar. Yep, that's right, a smeggin porn star. She was elected to Italian parliament after having been in porn for ages.  During the first gulf war, several journalists had been taken hostage by Saddam Hussein, and, Cicciolina took the lead for Italy, exercising her states-women's rights, offered to have sex with Saddam Hussein if he would release them. That is how the Italians are about it, more in your face than the French, celebrated, and... Sex is a tool for diplomacy I guess. Just laugh with me here everyone, they elect mafia kingpins to parliament.
Don't Buy Thai, (it's cheaper to rent) Japan and land-mines (finish this segment later)
   Thailand has the worlds most exotic red light district, and people can go rent children for sex. I had a seminary teacher who served his mission in Thailand tell us about the red light district, and that there would be massive deaths once AIDS hit the country. In 1992 Rolling stone stated that the first 2000 prostitutes tested for AIDS, 1200 were found to be infected. I don't know why the country hasn't shut down by now after 21 years, but, sex is a commodity for sale in Bangkok.  
    The Philippines boasts a friendly sexuality world to almost everyone. The Social Moreys for homosexuality seem to have been lifted, and the parliament is having to deal with same sex marriage. The gay coalition there in the Philippines seems to be rather aggressive. My friend from there (who is a lesbian) told me they don't seem to have a public issue of it. It has a large gay culture, that no one talks about, being Catholic and all. Most of them are “Jack” Catholics I guess. Lots of prostitution, but, again, it's all “Not spoken”.
     Lets attack Alfred Kinsey (Liam Neeson played him in a film, so 2nd reference taken care of ) right now, it seems proper enough at this point to do so. Alfred Kinsey was a biology professor at Indiana University. He started off as a bloke studying fly wasps, and really just enjoying being a scientist. He started studying human sexuality and put the conversation on the table. He interviewed thousands of people getting their sexual history and tried to establish patterns, as a scientist, it was about learning the answers. What he failed on, in his continual search of information on human sexuality was to establish a norm, or a baseline, and be able to explain sexuality from a scientific point of view after that. Something he was NEVER able to do, he managed to collect enough data about people, form certain opinions, and tell the world what he found from the data. He said some things that were so outrageous, it offended people. I will bag on Kinsey for a few things so lemme let those things fly. He was purely basing all of his research on the physical, pleasurable biological drive of sex. He left out emotions, and the reasoning behind a lot of it, without fully trying to understand those aspects of it, he saw mankind sexually as just animals. And was never going to get the full gist of it. He did some great things though, he put the conversation on the table, things were still taboo, but people were able to get answers, and for once, see they were not alone in their experience, and expression. Nothing was more of a paradigm shift in the US. if not the world, for everyone to be able to find out that, what they were never able to talk to anyone else about, they found, they were not alone in what they did. Sex has always been taboo to talk about, everyone knows its there, though no one ever goes deeply into it, in polite society. Though it has been part of every culture, no culture fully explored it, the norms were established, and everyone stuck with it, and never talked about it. So Suddenly Kinsey says some things, that are socially outrageous, but everyone who read it could relate to it somehow. The one thing he did say, that I agree with, you need to have bounds on your behaviours, but do not be ashamed of your sexuality. Strive to understand it, more than satisfy it. In understanding it, you will be able to satisfy it. From a scientific point of view, that is correct. Kinsey failed, and badly, landed splat on his face in one major point. We put emotion into sex, humans get jealous, territorial, and possessive when it comes to sexual partners. AND WE SHOULD. Here is why. (and the biggest point of this paper, so pay attention.)
       Sex is part of who you are, as a human being. It is the most base form of who you are, and everything you are emotionally is rooted and carried over somehow sexually. It is the most base form of expression of your emotions. It was when I was at Harvard, and another friend (a Mormon bloke Ill have to add) was getting his Psych degree at Harvard and was taking all kinds of classes covering human sexuality. He would give me his papers to read and go over them, as a layman, to see if a non psych major could understand them. I read through so many papers from this guy, I found it all fascinating, (and everyone else would too, though along with the social stigma here, would admit that they would find reading about human sexuality interesting. YOU ALL WOULD ). You would all find these papers interesting, because they were about sex, and you like sex, even if you don't understand it, socially, can't talk much about it, but you certainly like knowing about it and often doing it... What I learned in one paper was this, the human sexual expression is so basic, so pure, so raw, and it is the strongest form of any expression, more powerful than singing, dancing, painting, sculpting, or even fighting. You are sitting there trying to pass off your emotions, at some level of your thoughts, things you don't understand, but you are expressing yourself, without words, this is beyond that, that words don't have the ability to touch. It is built into you to be able to express this, and you will fail every time, you will get close but still fail every time. So you have to do this over and over again, trying forever to get it right and have fun getting there I hope, but still never get it perfect.
     The most important point I learned in this research was this. You will find the absolute best, and the absolute worst of a person in their sexual expression. Why, because it is the best and worst of the person trying to be expressed in it. What does your sexual expression say about you? What does it say good and bad? What does it mean? How do you even get to the point to start to understand any of this, because its soooo taboo to talk about.    Something else I got from his papers, and you will find this in other peoples work, so I'll just lay it down here.  When you are having a sexual experience (with another person), there are 4 channels of communication operating. I'll give you the basics of it here, but it's soooo much deeper, really it is, but we gotta start somewhere. Physical. There is a physical component, you are getting your rocks off, that's what you are expressing at that level, a primeval normal physical need.    Mental, you are doing something, THINKING, you THINK you have something going on, and that you are expressing it physically. You are THINKING there is certain meaning, even if its just I'm getting my rocks off, you are thinking something.   
 Emotional, you are expressing feelings, you are presenting your deepest feelings what you are feeling and what is driving you to do what you do at that moment. In the most base level of expression, that's normally a very large part of it. Spiritual. The spiritual component, is there and ever-present, however, you rarely tap into it, but when you do, the experience becomes sooo much more meaningful, spilling over into the other 3 channels. The spiritual component is where you are almost feeling like you are at the center of the universe, tapping the great creative source of love, light and energy, kinda like the scenes in the movie “The Fountain”. That's the kind of sex God wants you to be having BTW... Where you feel like you are standing next to in the thick of it. YEAH GIMME SOME OF THAT!!!!!!     In most cases, you never have the perfect balance between them all, one is usually manifesting itself stronger than the other, depending on your, mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional state.
   Here is the kicker, no matter what you think you are expressing, what you think is going on, how you are feeling, etc. You will almost always fail in your expression. You will almost never get it right. Why? Because of the imbalance and lack of... Fully understanding, or expressing on all of them. Now, here is the hardest part to take in, though you might be able to understand, the better part of what you are doing and expressing, you are only doing YOUR part. There is this other intertwined apparatus, acting like a watch with a thousand sets of gears, and none of them fitting together to make it run properly, its called your partner is exactly the same way. Your partner is trying to express themselves on 4 different levels, and not able to do it completely either, so how can you think you are both on the same plane of metaphysical, spiritual, mental and emotional existence. So, why do you keep trying if you aren't going to get it right? You replay the same process, or whatever, thinking you will get a different outcome? NO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS GOING TO BE AND YOU LOVE IT.... Just know, you are probably getting it wrong most of the time, and failing to fully express yourself. But you don't mind trying now do ya?  
   A quick note here, my surrogate father is a marriage counselor and sex therapist. He told me that you can, in fact, pull it off, and communicate everything perfectly in sexual expression, although those experiences are few, and far between, you can do it. It takes years of practice and communication and comes as a total surprise. He did say however, you are AWESOME for failing, and its fun, so keeps at it.    
        In reading My friend's papers, among the data I just threw at you,  I learned about lots of cool, fun, and terribly interesting things. Here is one, why do some people like physical pain while having sex? Why do certain people like inflicting pain, or being put through pain when having sex? They are two VERY VERY different things here BTW... Some say its sick control issues, etc, or a person wanting to be dominated, for this reason, or that reason. I'll get to that later, here is the pure simple biological reason. Before that "Fifty Shades of Grey" came out, I knew this, and it was from reading this guys papers. (I'll leave him nameless, but he said I can share any of my ideas I got from him from all those years ago. ). It's for this one reason when a person is being threatened in a state of physical danger, the brain releases lots of endorphins, for the fight or flight idea. The body is preparing for physical damage, and the endorphins, are going to be able to block certain pain, well, not block it, but enable your senses to be heightened, to be ultra-sensitive, trying to match the pain you are feeling with the endorphins, that are pleasurable. This is to enable your ability to survive the trauma and escape... But if you are tied down, you can't really do that can you, so, it turns out, your brain is pumping you full of drugs, so the orgasm that finally hits in a state of pain, is going to be rather intense. That's the biological explanation. Wild isn't it.     That was something I learned in being a proofreader, FUN HUH?
    Eyes are the window to the soul  
 My current point is this, if you exist, and possess cognitive thought, you are a sexual being, what you face is, how do I reconcile the expression of that, against the moral reasoning creature I believe myself to be. The answer I'm going to provide here is really simple. I DON'T KNOW. There you go.  I learned this from a guy named Les Parrott, he taught something really cool about human sexuality. You are at a much higher level on the species ladder, for several reasons, it shows in your sexuality. Humans are the only critter that can copulate, face to face, EYE CONTACT.... Something the other critters don't do. You do this cause it's important, more important that you think. I have already said, your whole business is expression, and only part of it is physical, how much in your world is expressed, and exchanged, in eye contact? No words needed, you can see, and deliver so much, just by seeing the other person's eyes. Now, what are you doing when you are expressing yourself in the most basic way possible? Eye contact delivers more of it than you think.
        More to the point, so much of you can and will be expressed in different ways. Unlike animals, you have so much of a dynamic in the physics of the matter. Let me give you some examples, Missionary, Doggy Style, 69, Spooning, Ride Em Cowgirl... The titles are as endless as the possibilities. Other creatures, its pretty generic, one position only, and one size fits all. As a human, with emotions behind it all, and reasoning on top of that, we have turned sex into something pretty knarly, and exploratory. Cause each position, or practice has a different meaning to it and changes the endless dynamic just enough each time, to continue in your failing efforts to express yourself.  There is nothing wrong with failure in this case now is there, go forth, and fail endlessly, and enjoy it. CAUSE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO.  
      You were the product of sex, and DNA was passed on to you. Said DNA that I inherited dictates my eye color, height, build, strength, color blindness, and being bald. I got those things mixed up with my parents when they had a failed attempt to express themselves sexually to each other. Here is what happened, I got a nice load of good and bad things passed on from generations, things that caused imperfections, Hey my hair fell out, and I'm not especially tall. Somehow they managed to ensure survival good and bad traits, of my ancestors in France and Scotland, and BAMMMM, Here I am. That was nothing I had any control of, mom and dad didn't either, it's kind of a game of Russian roulette as far as what traits get passed down you just are against all likelihood able to have turned out, the chances of you being who you are as you are, are just astronomically impossible to dictate. Cool isn't it? You are exactly who you are, sharing traits with others you will never know from the same ancestors, but, never quite in your individual configuration.
     From the biological standpoint, gees thanks mom and dad, I got arthritis at age 28 and lost my hair at a young age. I am lucky enough to have this knarly trait, I got the “Basque Eyes” its been pointed out by anyone who has spent time with Basques, they seem to be rather unique, and stand out. People know me, they know my eyes and will recognize me after 30 years, honestly, this has happened, because they all said, yeah, I remember your eyes. Thanks mom, I also got the trait of being obnoxiously hairy, something that Basques are known for too it seems. My daughters got my eyes, one even stronger than me, she could get put in south France, and look like she was born there.  Good and bad, its who I am physically, and you too.      Here is the other side of it. Where your ancestors failed, not just your parents, but ancestors, going back further than you can imagine, the emotional and mental problems they had, all they were never able to manage to shed, got passed on , though everyone else the next generation , who failed to resolve it, and passed it on, to you. You are sitting there with the same DNA, and same emotional issues, and failures of your ancestors. Thank them for that, you are just as screwed as your ancestors were, who slaughtered protestants and tossed their bodies in the river, only later to realize they contaminated the city's water. Or my ancestors, who took Rome in a matter of a few days, when asked why they were there, said “All things belong to the brave”, but then gave up Rome shortly after that on a bribe.
   Our parents were flawed, damaged, missing things, emotionally, and were all seeking to find solace, relief from whatever emotional or spiritual demons they had. It often plays out in sexuality, “What am I missing? Why am I not whole, or perfect?“. Somewhere in all of this, where your parents who raised you, were missing something, couldn't provide it, or express love properly, whatever it was, and you got the same bag of garbage, though probably repackaged, because mom and dad were different, and had their own versions of the flawed contributions to your life. I do hope they loved you, and you can forgive them for missing the boat on all of this, or any of this, because they didn't mean to, they were unable to , because of what they didn't get, and what they did get handed down to them. No family is perfect, or functional, everyone falls short.